Saturday, December 08, 2007

All I want for Christmas...

Sometimes I beat myself up and wonder if I really am doing a good job as a mother. The thoughts: Do I spend enough time with Jordan? Do I let him watch too much TV? Am I feeding him the right/healthiest foods? Do I yell too much or should I stay more calm? go through my mind more often than not. I'd like to think other parents wonder about this as well. But what exactly is the definition of a good mother? When I sit back and think about it, he's a happy child, he appears to be a healthy child, I barely ever have to take him to the doctors besides for his regular check ups (knock on wood). But I wonder what would things be like if I were a stay at home mom. He would probably be potty trained for one. He might possibly eat better, ie more vegetables for two and when I did leave him with someone else he may cry and not want me to leave for three. But this is the way it has to be. If I could, I would be a stay at home mom. Unfortunetely we can't afford it and I'm the one with the good benefits, so it's what I have to do. I do like to work, I love what I do, when Jordan's had a rough weekend and is driving me crazy it's nice to have a break from him and deal with adults, well, I guess that's what you'd call them.
So, literally on my christmas list this year is:
*Kitchen Table
*Vacuum Cleaner
*Bird feeder
*Entertainment Stand
*G.C. to Home Depot(so we can finish our bathrooms)
*Bushes for out front of the house

But the unrealistic christmas list going through my head is:
*To be a P/T stay at home mom
*Jordan to be Potty Trained
*To win the megabucks
*Peace on earth

I really had to think about that realistic list. It's funny how when we're kids all we think about is what we want, but as adults it's what am I going to get for this person and how much should I spend on this person? I'm finding it hard to not buy Jordan things this year. Last year, it was easy, he wasn't into as much. He didn't understand really. I can imagine it's going to get harder each year because he's going to ask for more. This year he's just asking for 'Toys' in general, so everytime I see something "Thomas, the train" "Blues Clues" Curious George" "Mickey Mouse" or just something cute in general I think I have to get it for him. And I know when it's all said and done, I'll look back and say "Wow, we got him a lot this year."

We took Jordan to see Santa last weekend. The whole way there he was yelling out 'Santa Caws, Toys." And when we got there he seemed in awe to just look at him. As we were waiting in line he was standing on his tippy toes yelling Hi to the man in red. Oh, but when it was our turn, the moment I had been waiting for, it was going to be the perfect picture for this years chrismas card; Jordan wanted no part in it. He stood in front of this man with the big white beard, wearing red for exactly 10 seconds, look at him and stated he was "Done" and walked off. I tried to get him to sit on his lap, or even my lap beside Santa. Oh, No-No! It was the famous crying Kid scene at the mall. So, you won't be a getting that christmas picture in the mail, so don't be looking for it.
Right now though, we're going to go play in the snow and attempt to get a seasonal picture instead, wish me luck.

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