Letter to my Baby boy

Dear Jordan,

My sweet little boy, who is now 4 years old. You're so old, yet still so young. Where has the time gone? Why does it not seem so long ago that you were sitting in my arms as a baby, looking into my eyes as I fed you, smiling at me as I sang the 'A you're adorable' song and tears weld up in my eyes with happiness of the baby we had created.

It's only been 4 years and you're already so smart and so curious and so kind and so wonderful and so clever and so creative and so funny and such an awesome kid that I am frequently knocked back on my heels by the sheer wonderment of you.

The other day as I watched you play with your toys, and listened to you talk in your little pretend voices "Hey, you wanna go for a ride in my car? Yeah sure, let's go. OK let's go. Vvrrrmmm." It amazes me how big an imagination you have. Sometimes I hear you say "Mom" and then when I answer you, you say "I'm not talking to you, I'm pretending." I wish I had more time for you so that you wouldn't have to pretend, but I'm also so glad that you've picked up the ability to have your make believe friends to keep you company when I can't.

In the midst of your constant pretending, you are also constantly singing. Songs I taught you (you are my sunshine, I love you) songs Daddy taught you (Daddy's hands, Lean on me, Hot Rod Lincoln) and songs that you've learned in school (This land is your land, What a wonderful world). We've also brought singing into the bathroom with us as we sing 'Twinkle little star' as we wash our hands. Daddy sings to you the most, at night as you are falling asleep, sometimes you'd rather have a song from Daddy than a story. I'm often in the next room listening in, and that is usually my high for the day. As your sister was having a melt down in the car last week, you sang to her and it made her stop crying and I know you felt pretty proud at that moment.

You are doing quite well at this big brother stuff, exceptionally well should I say. And I know Grace is noticing too because when she hears your voice she turns her head towards you. You are a familiar voice to her and I know she looks up to you and loves you very much already. I wasn't sure how you would react when you realized I couldn't give you my complete attention anymore, and you've had your moments, but you've learned the new task of waiting patiently. Every morning you make sure to greet her with a kiss and every night you never forget to wish her sweet dreams. When she cries, you're at her side with her Binky, you love to help change her and bathe her and you ask often to hold her. You love to touch and kiss her head and it didn't take long for you to figure out how yummy her toes taste. Although you asked the other day when she was going to go back in my belly, you've adjusted with the rest of us and you've realized that she's staying and that she's part of our family now. I know you think it's pretty cool too.

You amaze us all with your intelligence. You can spell your name, along with everyone else's name in your class, and because you can read every one's name you often help with attendance, saying every one's first, middle and last name. You can count to 30 and use your counting as to tell me how many bites of your supper you're going to eat. You love to answer the phone and this is great for me as I pawn you off on the telemarketers (har-har-har). Your memory is sharp and you know that certain roads will take us to certain peoples homes. You are still learning everyday and when we try to explain to you why you shouldn't talk to strangers, or why we have to take the interstate sometimes, or why those guys were cutting that tree down the other day, or why is the moon big sometimes and like a banana other times, you always make us repeat our explanation as you take it all in.

Eating supper lately has tried our patience with you. I won't complain because you're not a bad eater, with some of your favorites being steak, hot dogs, chicken, mac n cheese, pees, cucumbers, corn on the cob, french fries, ham, cheese, peanut butter and jelly, oatmeal, raisins, apple sauce, yogurt and yogurt bites, it's just that sometimes it takes you FOREVER to consume such foods. You're often left at the table as we're settling down for the night.

Dramatic is often a word I use to describe you. If you drop your popsicle, or spill your juice, or bump your knee that doesn't even make a mark, you immediately loose it and I believe your great grandmother could probably hear you scream in Illinois if she tried. You are scared of the smallest of bugs, but would carry around a worm or lizard for hours. I've also had to hold back my punishments while we are in a public place or others might think I had beaten you. Please win me an Emmy someday with your talents.

It's hard for me to admit, but you are a daddy's boy. You often ask for daddy to get you dressed or daddy to bring you to school, or daddy to come help wipe your butt. You love to help daddy mow the lawn and fix things around the house and while it kills me that you often choose daddy over me, I also feel lucky that you have such a great daddy that lets mommy sleep while he changes you in the middle of the night when you've had an accident.At the age of 4 you've done a lot more than most. You've been to New York City, to the top of Mt Washington, you've been camping, 4wheeling, snowmobiling, tubing, fishing, and you're always wanting to do more.

You are constantly making us laugh. The other day when I made you change in the kitchen because you were muddy you asked:

"Mom, where's Gracie?"

"She's right there in the living room."

"But Mom, she can't see me naked!!!"

When Grace was still in my belly and her butt was sticking up and we could feel it, I told you it was her butt, you're reaction:

"We don't like butts."

"We don't, why not."

"Because there's poop in them."

You love for your butt to be naked though and every night as you get undressed you never fail us to run around yelling "NAAKID BABEEE!"

I'm trying to capture and remember how you are right now. The way you talk, the way you sleep, the way you learn, the way you laugh and the way you cry. I try to capture the ways in which I see your personality, you're self developing and taking shape and giving tiny hints about the person that you will be next year and next decade, but there are just so many moments, so many things you do that make us laugh and cry and wonder that I can't even begin to describe you.

Oh Jordan, you bring so much joy to our world each and every day. 4 years later and I'm still looking into your eyes, singing that same 'A your adorable' song and the tears still well up in my eyes with happiness of the boy we have created. You are the most wonderful, perfect thing that I could have ever even imagined. And as I try and tell you each and every day just how very much I love you, I hope you know just how much that is.

Hugs and Kisses,

Love you forever and forever and forever,

Momma